Protesters at Harriet Hageman's town hall were criticized and accused of being "brought in" or paid, even though the group was made up of community members.
Last Saturday afternoon I sat in a room full of our own community members and listened to them yell at each other to shut up, call each other liars, tell each other they didn't know what they were talking about, and basically treat each other more like nameless strangers on the other side of a computer screen than like neighbors.
The Town Hall event with Representative Harriet Hageman was interesting, to say the least.
Personally, I had friends and family members on both "sides," both cheering and protesting. I understand those who were frustrated – both those frustrated enough about current issues to protest, and those frustrated to not be able to hear the speaker they came to hear. I saw and heard both respect and disrespect from both sides.
But the disrespect I heard had me feeling like I was in the middle of a real-life comment war. Anyone who's spent time on social media has seen fights in the comments. People argue, throw out personal attacks, and generally keep virtually yelling at each other without having any hope of convincing each other of anything. This tends to happen more often online because it's easier to hide behind a keyboard, and harder to view the person you're fighting with as another human being.
So it bothers me that people are starting to take that same attitude into in-person interactions, especially in our small community. But I think part of the reason for it is the same concept – it's easiest to fight with someone you don't see as a human being. This happens when we start to develop an "us versus them" mentality. People start to become caricatures of the arguments we disagree with.
If you just see other people as Republicans or Democrats, conservatives or liberals, MAGA or LGBTQ+, or whatever dichotomy you want to create, then that person across from you starts to become just a concept you disagree with.
One of the biggest problems that keeps furthering these divides is when, intentionally or not, people only surround themselves with those that they agree with. One of the things that discouraged me the most about the town hall was the fact that afterwards, some people on Facebook (there's those comment battles) were either talking about how it's sad that we have so many liberals around here, or implying that the protesters were "brought in" or paid. First, I find it problematic that anyone would want to live in a community where everyone was totally like them. Second, I can tell you with certainty that the protestors were our local community members (who weren't paid), and if you didn't recognize them as such, it shows me that you really don't know anyone who disagrees with you.
When we surround ourselves with only those who agree with us, we create echo chambers. This feeds into a pattern of confirmation bias, where we believe those who are telling us the things we want to believe. One of the points of conflict at the town hall was people arguing over what's a lie and what isn't, essentially telling each other that they didn't know enough or didn't have the right information. Obviously, the issue of "fake news" and deciding what (and especially who) to believe is an ongoing concern. But when we create echo chambers, this only gets worse. Part of fact checking and determining what's true is having different information from different sources.
It's also helpful, and important, to understand other points of view by knowing the people behind them. Again, see them as humans rather than concepts. If you have no idea why protesters are angry (or if you think you know why but it's all talking points you've heard from other people on your side), you should probably get to know them and listen to their stories. Also, genuinely listen to them, not to argue, just to understand.
A few weeks ago I wrote a column titled "Empathy is not a sin." I want to reiterate that concept, especially in light of Elon Musk (a source of a lot of recent tension) recently talking about how empathy can be a "weakness" and a "bug" to be exploited.
We desperately need empathy if we're going to get anywhere. What the town hall was lacking in was empathy. What recent conversations and decisions are lacking is empathy. And that is the actual weakness being exploited, turning us against each other, making us fight instead of listen, making us shut each other out and not hear multiple sides and not find actual answers.
We need to have real conversations where we listen, work to understand, seek factual truth, and are willing to change our minds or concede other points.
Now, as a disclaimer, let me be clear – sometimes it's not worth having the conversation. Some people will not be convinced, and the old idea of "agreeing to disagree" is more helpful than continuing to argue. Also, I do believe some issues are worth putting up strong boundaries for, especially when it's a matter of protecting your own safety (and sanity).
But if we can't have good-faith dialogues with people from a wide variety of perspectives, and see and empathize with those people as human beings, we'll just keep yelling at each other and getting nowhere.
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