Give thanks even when it's hard

By HANNAH ROMERO

Staff Writer

Thanksgiving is a time to give thanks.

Obviously. 

It’s also a time to eat delicious food. Believe me, Thanksgiving dinner is one of my favorite meals to ever exist. I love turkey and mashed potatoes and gravy and stuffing and cranberry sauce and green bean casserole and yams (specifically with marshmallows on top — best way to eat them), and don’t get me started on pies.

I digress. 

Of course Thanksgiving is also a time to be with our families or friends, enjoying the company of the people who mean the most to us. And yes, it’s also a time for traditions, whether that’s football or board games or the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade or couch naps or Black Friday shopping. 

While Thanksgiving is all of these things, it is primarily a day to give thanks, to take time to be grateful for all we have in our lives, including the food and the family and the fun. 

But sometimes giving thanks is really hard. 

Some people don’t have the resources to enjoy a traditional Thanksgiving dinner, and may struggle with getting any dinner on the table. Some people aren’t able to be with their family and friends and the people they wish they could spend the holiday with. Some people are grieving the loss of a loved one whom the celebration won’t be the same without. Some people know any family gathering will be dysfunctional and stressful at best.

Some people don’t have traditions, or don’t find joy in them. 

And sometimes even when you have all the things that are supposed to make for a picture-perfect Thanksgiving, you still know it’ll be difficult to feel thankful because of what’s going on in your own life or heart or mind. 

And that’s okay. 

But I want to encourage everyone, no matter what your Thanksgiving looks like or what you’re going through, to take the time to focus on giving thanks and being grateful. This is especially hard when it seems like there’s nothing to be thankful for. But, counterintuitive as it feels, that’s exactly when it’s most important.

Many studies have been done to demonstrate the positive effects of gratitude. Focusing on what you’re thankful for and finding ways to express your gratitude can help improve your mental health, specifically helping you feel happier, more optimistic, more motivated and more connected to others. One study even found data to suggest practicing gratitude can have lasting positive effects on the brain.

It’s hard to be thankful when your mental health is suffering, but one way to help your mental health is precisely by being thankful. 

I understand, that doesn’t mean it’s easy or you’ll necessarily feel better right away. And I’m not trying to tell you to be thankful for the things that are causing you pain. But it also sometimes feels like we’re so afraid of our pain not being recognized that we think doing anything positive, like being thankful, will somehow negate the pain and mean it doesn’t matter. That is not true.

Your pain is valid, and what you’re going through shouldn’t be downplayed, by you or anyone else.

However, gratitude can help you refocus and realize your pain, while real and important, doesn’t define or control you. It isn’t all there is. There is light and beauty and love, and there are things in your life, no matter how small, that you can still be grateful for. 

So no matter how perfect or how messed up your Thanksgiving is this year, no matter what you’re going through or how you’re feeling, my challenge is to do yourself a favor and take time this year to actually, actively, intentionally give thanks.