We’ve all heard the expression, “you don’t get a second chance to make a first impression.” It’s so true, and kids are super impressionable. We need to be mindful every time we open ours mouths TO and AROUND our children. I know with my own children, they were/are always trying to copy the big people in their lives. My little ones are constantly saying things like, “I am wearing my hair just like Sister,” or “Mom, my shoes are just like yours.” We never know what they are going to remember and copy. My parents and grandparents would always remind us to “do as I say, not as I do.” When I catch myself saying this, I realize that’s really an unfair expectation because they just want to be like me.
Recently a freshman on our Mustang Volleyball team reminded me that I was her t-ball coach when she was four. She said, “Do you remember when I fell and hurt my knee, and it was bleeding? You came over to me and literally put some dirt on it.”
The other day my daughters and I were painting their nails. My five-year old suddenly got up from the floor with her hands in the air so as not to smudge her wet nails. Then she turned around and walked to me backwards. When she got right in front of me she said, “Wet nails…can you get my wedgie for me?” (So I did.) Then she said, “Good problem-solving, huh Mom, like you told me to do…think of ways to solve my own problem…” (Yup, I did tell her that.)
Children are always listening and watching, and learning how to behave. We need to act how we want them to be and not blame them if they act like us when we aren’t acting as we should. We need to model things like admitting our mistakes without making excuses or placing blame. And we need to help them celebrate when they accomplish, but show them how to do so while remaining a good sport.
It is very important when working with our children that we don’t “do it for them.” Madi is six and getting better and better at tying her shoes, but she is still rather slow at it. When I am in a hurry I am tempted to tell her that I will tie them for her this time and that she can work on tying them “next time,” but that won’t help her learn. It really only takes an extra minute for her to tie them, so instead of doing it for her, I need to plan my time better and allow her that time without pressuring her to “hurry it up.”
When children start to find their own way, it’s important to let them choose their fun thing. We shouldn’t choose it for them. I love basketball, but my children don’t as much. The oldest loves soccer, the second really loves gymnastics, the third is an absolutely fantastic artist. My fourth one loves Legos. The fifth one draws and enjoys playing Barbies and the youngest is into gymnastics and swimming. Each of us has our own likes, dislikes, passions, loves and fun things and we shouldn’t push ours on each other. Instead we should celebrate each other’s strengths and accomplishments.
All five of my girls are into hair, makeup and wearing amazing outfits. My son and I prefer t-shirts, shorts or sweats. I want each of my children to choose their own path and to be their own unique. Focusing on what they can’t do or what I want them to do would limit them in so many ways. Instead I will remind myself of a saying by Dr. Halm Ginott. He said, “Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression.” So true and this impression lasts a long, long time.
If I want my children to solve problems, they must do so on their own and experience failure and making mistakes. They must figure out how to persevere. They must be able to count on me to be a positive role model.
When they make mistakes, they must “throw some dirt on it” and keep on keeping on. And I must remember that they are always watching my reactions the first time. I won’t get a second chance at that first impression.
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