Lifelong learning: The difference of influence and control

Have you ever pushed the elevator button to “remind” the elevator that you are there waiting for it to come pick you up and deliver you?

Have you ever yelled at the traffic light, while in your car, so the light would change faster? Sometimes we think we have more influence on certain people or in certain situations than we really do, like with the elevator, or the traffic light. No matter how many times we push the elevator button, or yell at the light, it’s not going to come any faster.

However, on other occasions we actually have more influence than we may realize. Sheri Dew said “Having influence is not about elevating self, but about lifting others.”

Throughout my career, I have had a couple of supervisors who made sure you knew they were in charge and that they had the ultimate control. I did what I was told, not because of influence but because of intimidation and compliance. Then, there were others that taught me, mentored me and helped me grow-those were the ones that truly influenced me.

I saw a saying somewhere that said, “People who are controlling often demean or criticize others as a means of building themselves up and appearing superior and in control. In fact, a controlling person is easy to spot from the constant monologue about how rotten, stupid, evil, ridiculous and annoying everyone else is.”

Influence is so much different. Henry Drummond said, “The people who influence you are the people who believe in you.” To me, control is micromanaging, while influence is supporting and helping another to grow on their own. Control is telling others what they should do, what they did wrong, and doing it for them. Influence is empowering, positive and helpful.

I recently read an article in the magazine Athletics Administration titled “Turning Thermometers into Thermostats” by Tim Elmore. He pointed out that there are habitudes as he calls them (habits and attitudes combined), with leadership that are more productive than others. He uses the analogy of a thermometer and a thermostat to bring home his point. He says that while both of these instruments have to do with temperature, there is a big difference. Thermometers can only tell you what the climate is while thermostats actually set the climate. As he points out, it’s not a matter of control, even though a thermostat controls the heat. It’s a matter of influence. It’s about setting the climate or the prevailing trend.

In my life, I see this as active leadership.

I see leaders as people who do things without being told to, do things without worry for who should get the credit, do more than the minimum, live by their word and do what’s right and good. In this regard, the only control I should exercise is that of controlling myself. I should not try to control others. Just as my influential bosses have mentored me, so too, should I mentor those I supervise.

This includes my life away from work, specifically, my family. I cannot control the actions of my children throughout their lives. At some point if I have raised them with love, trust, belief, nurture, empowerment, guidance, and support, then they will thrive, just like I am supposed to do with those I supervise in my workplace.

The way I look at it: If people were meant to be controlled, we would’ve all come with remote controls. Instead I am thankful for the influences in my life that have helped me to ‘be not afraid of growing, only of standing still’, and I strive to influence others in that same light. Have a great day.