Both my boys are in school now?

Monday, as the bus drove away it hit me, my little boy, Matthew, is a kindergarten student.

A tear started to roll down my face as I helped my youngest son, John, into his carseat.

It didn’t help that John was crying too -- upset that he didn’t get to ride the bus and go to school with his older brother.

I kept telling John he would start preschool tomorrow, Tuesday, but he didn’t want to hear any of it.

I got into the car, backed out of the driveway; and started driving to John’s daycare. I cried on the drive, not hard, but enough that I was wondering whether or not I was going to need to redo my makeup when I got to work.

John had calmed down by the time we reached his daycare; and I thought I had too, but when John’s daycare lady asked how I was doing I started to cry. I was embarrassed, as she handed me a few tissues and gave me a hug. She reassured me that it was a perfectly normal response, but I quickly excited and tried to pull myself together.

By the time I got to work, I was still upset and quickly realized that I could not do the kids’ page this week because the thought of being in a classroom with kids is probably not the best place to be right now. I started crying at the whole idea.

I asked the editor if he could do the kids’ page for me. When he started to say he was too busy, I burst out in tears. The flood gates had opened. I was quite upset. I couldn’t even talk. Another coworker asked if it was because Matthew started kindergarten today; and all I could do for a response was nod my head yes. 

I opened my desk to get a tissue only to discover I was all out. I started crying harder; another coworker quickly handed me some tissues. I kept apologizing for my outburst; and told them repeatedly how embarrassed I was. The mothers in the office kept reassuring me that this is a normal response; and most of them had the same response when their children started kindergarten. They shared their stories; and I did start to calm down.

I just had no idea I would have an emotional breakdown in front of my coworkers. How embarrassing. Good thing we are all like a family. One coworker said I was experiencing some serious separation anxiety -- I think that coworker is right.

As for Matthew, he was excited about the day and I was glad I did not break down in front on him and ruin that excitement.

Hopefully, tomorrow will go more smoothly when John goes to preschool, but we will have to see.

Tuesday

Only a few tears today. OK. Maybe a little more than a few, but not so bad that I felt I needed to touch up my makeup.

Maybe that’s because I was all cried out from yesterday or because I have been through one child heading off to preschool already. Regardless, the emotions are there, but I didn’t cry as much. Progress I would say.

Yep. Much like his brother’s first day of preschool, my 3-year-old son, John, didn’t wave or say goodbye when we walked into his new preschool.

Nope. All he did was quickly hang up his backpack and run to greet his teacher. I was a little sad. Other kids were hugging their moms or dads and asking them when they were going to come back. Others cried a little bit, but not my John. Nope. He was ready. 

He didn’t even bother to hold my hand on the way to the school.

“How come I don’t get to ride a bus,” he kept asking me.

I told him because I am driving him to and from school.

“I want to ride the bus,” he replied. 

Ouch. That hurt a little bit, but understandable since Matthew has rode on a bus for three years now.

I am still pretty emotional and I did cry, but I am little better with John going to preschool. Partly because his teacher is someone I have known for years and consider her a good friend. I know he is in good hands and he will be OK, but still I cried.

John has always shown independence, but no wave, or see you later momma, that hurt. I didn’t even get a chance to tell him goodbye and that I would be back later to pick him up. I am sure he will figure it out. After all, I always pick him up from daycare.

Well, it is the start of a new phase in this mama’s life. I now have a kindergarten student and a preschool student; and although it may hurt now I know I will look back on these days a recall them happily with tears in my eyes.